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Can You Be Enlightened In The Midst of Marital Conflict?
Speak harshly to no one, or the words will be thrown
right back at you.
Quarreling talk is painful, for you get struck by rods in return.
If, like a flattened metal pot you don’t resound,
you’ve attained a little nirvana;
in you there’s found no quarrel.
The Buddha; Dhammapada 133–134
Probably nothing is more destructive, when marital conflict strikes, then anger and reactivity.
As soon as it's given into the chances of reaching mutual understanding, of restoring connection, or finding a resolution plunge. In tandem, the likelihood of escalating suffering, of saying or hearing hurtful things, and even of giving or receiving a damaging emotional injury which could maim or even kill the relationship increases with shocking rapidity. Whatever the problem, anger won’t help.
In the absence of anger things may still hurt. They may not even be resolved. But at least the one who doesn’t get angry keeps their self-respect and can sleep knowing they didn’t create any more damage, burn bridges or close off opportunities.
Before sharing a few tips on how to actually let go of anger in the moment, we should note that there is a…
